Pathetic

So let's see here.

Twenty years ago I was about to turn ten. I lived with my parents. I was at my peak weight (like I seriously plumped up) (hitting puberty will do that too you... so I like to tell myself). No money. I was going to school. Of course not married or had kids... Mommy did my laundry and made all of my food.

Ten years later I was about to turn twenty. I lived with my parents. I was at the peak weight of my teens. I had a crappy job. No money. I was going to an JC in Livermore. I wasn't married. I had no kids. Mommy did my laundry and made all of my food.

Today I'm about to turn thirty. I still live with my parents. I am at my peak weight of my life. I have an unstable, low paying job. I am so broke. I'm going to a JC in Modesto. I'm not married. I have no kids. Mommy does my laundry, makes all of my food and packs me a lunch every day.

Three decades and I am EXACTLY where I was. I have done nothing. I haven't accomplished anything. I haven't gone anywhere. Three decades. I am the ONLY person I know that still lives with my parents, isn't married, doesn't have kids, doesn't live away from home. The ONLY one.

I am SOOOOOO sick of everyone giving me the bull shit line about how if they could they would still live at home too. BULL SHIT I say!!! You would not!!! You would NOT choose to be 30 years old living with your parents!!! You are all liars!!! Living with your parents in your early 20's is one thing. To be in your 30's and live there is completely different!!! Guess what, I WANT to do things like do my own grocery shopping. I WANT to do my own laundry. I WANT to pay the PG&E bill. Do you know why? Because that means I HAVE A LIFE and I'm part of the living!!!! Living at home like I'm 8 years old is not a life anyone should want at 30 years old. And if you do, you are really stupid. It's like being a prisoner. Let me strip you of all of your independence, tell you what to do, when to do it and how, tell you what to eat and how much, then turn out the lights for bed. I can get a college education in prison too. At least there I wouldn't have bills to pay on top of everything else. It is not as great as you people seem to think it is. So don't tell me how great I have it and how you would be doing what I am if you could because that is bull shit!!!! Go check yourself into a prison for thirty years then tell me how great it is. Tell me how great it is to know that your life has slipped away and you only have a few years left to try to have children (which if you are me, you don't know if you can anyways). Tell me how great it is to see everyone around you grow up and have families and good jobs and lives and you still be in the SAME DAMN PLACE you have been for your whole life. Don't tell me how I could change things and I bring this upon myself. You think I haven't tried?? You think I haven't moved across the country before to do that?? You think I haven't tried to make relationships work and get married etc?? You think I haven't tried to get a good and stable job?? You think I haven't tried to move out with friends?? You think I haven't tired to move out on my own?? Do you really think I though to myself you know, I want to live my parents for the rest of my life and I'm going to do nothing and make sure that I have no life. Give me a fucking break.

Just once I would like someone to be like you know what, your life and situation IS pretty pathetic. Because it is. And I would like them to say, you know, I really thought you would do more with your life. What a waste. And I would thank them. Because at least they would be honest and not lying to my face giving me bull shit lines about how great I have it and they would switch places with me if they could. Don't try sell me your fucking lies here. I'm not buying them.